Friday, April 30, 2010

Let Go

Let Go.
In letting go I find myself thinking.
Thinking about my past , thinking about my future.
Thinking about the shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Thinking about where I am and where I was.
Wow. Is all I can say.
Who woulda thought that this girl raised by drug dealer parents would have made it this far.
Who would have thought that the girl that was teased as a child and often played alone would be the woman that I am today.
When I was in college I remember writing a paper about refusing to follow the cycle of my neighborhood.
But in a way I’m glad I came from where I came from because it has kept me grounded. It has given me an edge over most of the “privileged” because I don’t know what its like to not struggle I just know about keeping up and maintaining.
When most people first meet me, they only see the “Good Erica” in which they believe I have no struggles but I know better and I’m glad that I know God.
He has been so good to me. He has made a way out of no way on numerous occasions and I’m not just saying this. I’ve been through this and am currently going through this.
My god. Yes my God. I love him. He helps me let go. He helps me breathe when I feel I’m out of breath. He helps me speak when I have no words. He lets me be free to be me, his daughter. I have so much faith in him which in turn means that I have so much faith in myself.
I sometimes wonder how did I get to this point in my life where I really have no worries. I have a God given debt free home. I have a career, in which Im not making that much money yet, but I know he guides me. I have a beautiful, vibrant son that I love so much. I call him God’s gift. I love him. He makes me smile. He makes me want to do better. He makes me want more. I love him.
Wow. I’m a mommy. I’m DJ’s mom.
I needed to let go so this is the reason I’m writing this way. I need to let go so that I can get started.

Love Erica ©2009

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