Friday, April 30, 2010

Let Go

Let Go.
In letting go I find myself thinking.
Thinking about my past , thinking about my future.
Thinking about the shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Thinking about where I am and where I was.
Wow. Is all I can say.
Who woulda thought that this girl raised by drug dealer parents would have made it this far.
Who would have thought that the girl that was teased as a child and often played alone would be the woman that I am today.
When I was in college I remember writing a paper about refusing to follow the cycle of my neighborhood.
But in a way I’m glad I came from where I came from because it has kept me grounded. It has given me an edge over most of the “privileged” because I don’t know what its like to not struggle I just know about keeping up and maintaining.
When most people first meet me, they only see the “Good Erica” in which they believe I have no struggles but I know better and I’m glad that I know God.
He has been so good to me. He has made a way out of no way on numerous occasions and I’m not just saying this. I’ve been through this and am currently going through this.
My god. Yes my God. I love him. He helps me let go. He helps me breathe when I feel I’m out of breath. He helps me speak when I have no words. He lets me be free to be me, his daughter. I have so much faith in him which in turn means that I have so much faith in myself.
I sometimes wonder how did I get to this point in my life where I really have no worries. I have a God given debt free home. I have a career, in which Im not making that much money yet, but I know he guides me. I have a beautiful, vibrant son that I love so much. I call him God’s gift. I love him. He makes me smile. He makes me want to do better. He makes me want more. I love him.
Wow. I’m a mommy. I’m DJ’s mom.
I needed to let go so this is the reason I’m writing this way. I need to let go so that I can get started.

Love Erica ©2009

Leaving it behind

Hi Ladies,
This is an old one that I found and wanted to share.

Leaving it Behind
Is holding on to something I need to let go of…..
I’m battling the spirits of wanting whats in the natural but anticipating whats destined for me in the supernatural,
I’m asking God to Send me something that I want
but can’t let go of what I don’t want.
My old self is telling me to say F It..Next!
But my caring self is telling me that its going to get better and be more than sex.
I used to talk about girls like me
You know the ones that tell you about how bad everything is but don’t want to leave
Hoping that this thing they cant let go of will turn into that DREAM
Yeah Dream because dreams are always better than reality.
My mom thinks that I’m crazy or better yet Depressed
But Girlfriend let me tell you
I’m better now then I used to be.
I refuse to wear that Dress.
You know what? As I think about,
Its really time to let go.
Let loose
Because I could be giving my goods to somebody worthy.
My goods meaning my time,
My thoughts
My loving acts of kindness
Fuck It!
Just Fuck IT!
I’m giving up!
But not on Love

Erica C. aka Alex not plastic ©2010