Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Pon de Replay......Past Hurt Still Hurts

It's been a long time since I was inspired to write a blog post but today as I sit in front of this computer my heart is full and warm at the same time. For most of you a full warm heart sounds good but for me I'm feeling both happy and sad. So let's just rewind to the last 60 days of my life.

So I met this awesome guy of which I got close to really fast.  Every day became a happy day for me just because he wanted to make me smile. He made me feel special and I wanted to make him feel the same way in return. we talked about life together and what we both wanted in our future. He wanted to get married and have a child. I wanted the same thing just as long as it was before I turn 35 lol. I wanted a new home for my family. He said he was willing to provide that for me.
We are both entrepreneurs and business owners so we have a great understanding of each others lives. We enjoyed each others company so we spent a lot of our free time together. At this point, I considered him a match and was looking forward to our future together. I mean everything was great until.......

I decided that I needed a night out with my friends. We decided that we were going to a party and I decided not to invite him. However, one of his friends called him later and invited him to come out to the same party. Everything was still fine until someone whom seemed very fond of my guy showed up and decided that she didn't want to hide how fond she was of him.

Now in my past life :) I was a very protective, territorial girl friend. No other woman bet not touch my man but this new angelic holy ghost filled Woman said let it slide for a little while because you know that he's here for you.

So as the night went on those 2 very fond and friendly people must have decided that the people that they were with at the party were just not that important because they made their way to the dance floor with their "companions" left on the side lines to watch them continue to be friendly with each other.

I stood there for a brief moment thinking to myself, Ashton Kutcher better hop from behind one of these fancy couches and say Erica we were just testing you. You passed the patient lady, do all good things in the sight of others test.  But when I noticed that he wasn't coming I surely made my way over there and snatched him off the dance floors and gave him that stern I'm gonna get you sucker look. Hahaha Y'all didn't I was just gonna let that pass did you. My Taurus personality traits wouldn't let me do it. However, I didn't make a huge scene at all. I just couldn't let myself get all worked up in my new fancy one of a kind dress that I had picked out just for this occasion.

Furthermore, I was very disturbed and honestly hurt. I just couldn't believe that the man that I had shared so much time with over the last 2 months would have done this to me. Wasn't he the same guy that declared to me that we were in a committed relationship and no longer dating. Wasn't this the same guy that said he only wanted to make me smile. Wasn't this the same guy that I talked about a future with.  I was so disappointed.
From that moment on I started to look at him differently. Maybe, he was just putting on a show for me. Maybe he's one of those womanizers that woo you and then wound you. Maybe he didn't really mean all those nice things he said about me because I would have never disrespected him like that. Point blank period.
My veil came off and then I started to pay more attention to all the things I didn't want to deal with instead of all the nice things he was dong for me.
This wasn't the first time a man had attempted to disrespect me in this manner and I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be the last. But I wanted it to be the last because I couldn't take much more.

After talking it out I decided to give him another chance. My heart was still questioning his devotion the whole time.

Do you really feel like dealing with this kind of man again?
Do you really think he's the one for you?
Can you deal with this happening in your future?
Is he the One for you?

All of these thoughts just continued to repeat over and over again in my mind.  Is he the One for you? At that point I started to enter his name into my prayers. Asking God for guidance and a sense of direction. I was hurt and we hadn't even said I love you...... To be continued It's Me Erica C 2016

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